Have you ever wondered what it takes? Our writer thinks back and gives her four best tips for any woman considering motherhood and a career.
Eight years ago, when I got my first “real” job, I had dreams of climbing the corporate ladder. After all, I had done everything to lead me down this path. I went to college, graduated with a degree in Business Management, and was soon promoted to a management position. I was a model employee on the fast track to upper management, and all of the people who mattered saw my commitment and drive to succeed.
A couple years after my promotion, my husband and I decided it was time to start our family. And so we welcomed a beautiful baby girl into our world.
During the first few months of this new life, I kept telling myself I could totally handle being a mom with a career. There were plenty of women who had careers and children—in fact, my own mom worked full-time while raising kids.
Upon my return to work, I was quickly reminded of the time and dedication it would take to build the career I had always dreamed of. The days of working late, taking on new projects, and opportunities to travel and meet with clients, suddenly became a choice between proving myself and losing precious time with my new baby.
It wasn’t until about six months after my return from maternity leave that I realized I had to redefine what success meant in my new role as a working mom.
A couple years after my promotion, my husband and I decided it was time to start our family. And so we welcomed a beautiful baby girl into our world.
During the first few months of this new life, I kept telling myself I could totally handle being a mom with a career. There were plenty of women who had careers and children—in fact, my own mom worked full-time while raising kids.
Upon my return to work, I was quickly reminded of the time and dedication it would take to build the career I had always dreamed of. The days of working late, taking on new projects, and opportunities to travel and meet with clients, suddenly became a choice between proving myself and losing precious time with my new baby.
It wasn’t until about six months after my return from maternity leave that I realized I had to redefine what success meant in my new role as a working mom.
Success for me had always been defined by the continual race to the top. I was always hungry for my next career move and doing everything I could to position myself for it.
It finally occurred to me that success now meant finding a balance between being there for my daughter and family while also finding ways to stay engaged with my career, but at a much more relaxed pace.
I had to get real with myself and accept the fact that I couldn’t do everything at one time—that my career dreams would still happen, it would just take longer than I’d originally planned. If I could slow down and enjoy my limited time with her, while still building my career, I would still feel successful.
This revelation meant I had to take a step back and determine what would help me succeed. So far what I’ve come up with has worked wonders for my personal and professional life. If you’re a working mom struggling to succeed, here are the four steps I took that I hope will work for you as well.
It finally occurred to me that success now meant finding a balance between being there for my daughter and family while also finding ways to stay engaged with my career, but at a much more relaxed pace.
I had to get real with myself and accept the fact that I couldn’t do everything at one time—that my career dreams would still happen, it would just take longer than I’d originally planned. If I could slow down and enjoy my limited time with her, while still building my career, I would still feel successful.
This revelation meant I had to take a step back and determine what would help me succeed. So far what I’ve come up with has worked wonders for my personal and professional life. If you’re a working mom struggling to succeed, here are the four steps I took that I hope will work for you as well.
1. KNOW YOUR PRIORITIES
Before you can succeed at anything, you need to know what your priorities are and then develop your plan around them. Around that six-month mark, I realized I needed to get my priorities straight. My daughter would only be young once, and spending time with her was my most important priority.
I decided to transition into a role that was less demanding on my time but would also allow me to learn and develop new skills. The transition also allowed me to leave work on time (something that I typically hadn’t done in the past 5+ years) and, for the most part, I’m truly able to feel like I’m mentally and physically off the clock.
I decided to transition into a role that was less demanding on my time but would also allow me to learn and develop new skills. The transition also allowed me to leave work on time (something that I typically hadn’t done in the past 5+ years) and, for the most part, I’m truly able to feel like I’m mentally and physically off the clock.
2. DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT
About a year after my return from maternity leave, my manager approached me about becoming his successor. In fairness to him, he figured my daughter was now older, and therefore, I would have more time on my hands (he doesn’t have children—forgive him!).
After some serious conversations to discuss the expectations of the role, I decided that I simply wasn’t ready to take on that additional responsibility. While this may have been a huge missed opportunity for me, I know that it was the best decision for me in this stage of my life. There will be other positions available in the future, and I fully intend to take advantage of those—when the time is right.
Don’t feel guilty about saying no to an opportunity. You need to do what is right for you, and if saying no is the better option, then go for it. There will always be other opportunities for advancement either within or outside of your current employer.
After some serious conversations to discuss the expectations of the role, I decided that I simply wasn’t ready to take on that additional responsibility. While this may have been a huge missed opportunity for me, I know that it was the best decision for me in this stage of my life. There will be other positions available in the future, and I fully intend to take advantage of those—when the time is right.
Don’t feel guilty about saying no to an opportunity. You need to do what is right for you, and if saying no is the better option, then go for it. There will always be other opportunities for advancement either within or outside of your current employer.
3. STOP TRYING TO FIND WORK-LIFE BALANCE
I’m a huge advocate of trying to find that sweet spot between work and life. However, I recognize that sometimes work will come first. Although spending time with my daughter as she grows up is my number one priority, I know that I will sometimes have to put work first in order to continue reaching my career dreams.
Once I stopped putting pressure on myself to find that perfect balance, things just fell into place. I no longer felt guilty for leaving work on time—or for putting in a couple hours from home. If there are days when you have to log in from home, set boundaries on when you can do that. And stick to those boundaries. For me, I wait until after she’s gone to bed so that I can dedicate my time to her while she’s awake. This allows me to give her my undivided attention and then work guilt-free once she’s sleeping.
Once I stopped putting pressure on myself to find that perfect balance, things just fell into place. I no longer felt guilty for leaving work on time—or for putting in a couple hours from home. If there are days when you have to log in from home, set boundaries on when you can do that. And stick to those boundaries. For me, I wait until after she’s gone to bed so that I can dedicate my time to her while she’s awake. This allows me to give her my undivided attention and then work guilt-free once she’s sleeping.
4. OUTSOURCE WHEN YOU CAN
Although this isn’t directly related to my career, I wouldn’t be successful as a working mom if I was constantly tired and worried about all of the chores I need to do. Once I discovered how much time and energy I could save, I began outsourcing as much as I could afford to. I started ordering my groceries online, hired a lawn service, and I have a cleaning lady come in whenever I’m feeling lazy.
Does it cost money? Yes. But I would rather focus my attention on my family and building my career? Absolutely. For me, outsourcing these tasks is worth the money—it gives me back time, which is a priceless resource.
Think of all the tasks you have to do and decide which ones would be worth spending money on to help you gain back some of your much needed time.
Does it cost money? Yes. But I would rather focus my attention on my family and building my career? Absolutely. For me, outsourcing these tasks is worth the money—it gives me back time, which is a priceless resource.
Think of all the tasks you have to do and decide which ones would be worth spending money on to help you gain back some of your much needed time.
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There you have it: the four steps that help me succeed as a working mom. It’s not a perfect system, and I’m still learning as I go. I’m sure that in the future, my definition of success will change as my life evolves. But for now, I’ll stick with this (although I’ll probably keep the cleaning lady…and probably the grocery delivery…and the lawn service).
Are you a working mom? What are some questions you’ve had as you’ve navigated the balance between work and life?
Are you a working mom? What are some questions you’ve had as you’ve navigated the balance between work and life?
