Photo by Susan Q Yin on Unsplash
What should I do with my life?
Maybe this is an American thing, but when I close my eyes and consider that question, I see jobs.
I see desks, careers, LinkedIn profiles, online portfolios, and (ugh) resumes. I see interviews lit by horrific fluorescent lights. I smell bad, burned, communal coffee. I think about sitting in an uncomfortable office chair while daydreaming about my bed.
Why do we so closely align our jobs with "what we're doing with our lives"?
Surely, there is a better way to define your entire life. Let's talk about that.
What Should I Do With My Life? 7 Questions to Ask to Explore
We closely align our ambitions, our self-worth, and our overall big picture with our careers.
As such, it's often perceived that you aren't "doing anything with your life" unless you make a lot of money, have an impressive job title, and unless you're constantly striving to achieve "the next big thing."
No wonder so many of our career paths end up in unhappiness and discontent.
First things first: we need to break up with that "career brings meaning to your life" narrative, because yuck.
Instead, let's think about our own mission statements, as humans. What type of lifestyle puts your values at the forefront of your every day—in your relationships, your free time, your self-care, and, yes, in your career.
Instead of your job being "who you are", insert who you already are into your job—and everything else.
Let's dive into a few questions to help us all to redefine what "we're doing with our lives" and what that actually means.
Pro Tip: Get out a pen and paper. Let's write some questions and answers on a piece of paper to capture these insights—and put them to work.
1. What Has Been My Life Purpose in the Past?
We've talked about purpose at work in the past. As a career site, we often relate everything to our jobs. However, for this question, let's try to detach from a job title.
Ask yourself what you've defined as your purpose in different times of your life. Here's an example of how you might chart your purpose throughout your life.
When you were in elementary school, maybe your purpose was creating artwork all day. Perhaps your parents had a hard time prying a crayon from your fingers. Every surface in the house had an original piece of artwork by you, much to your caretakers' dismay.
Your Purpose: Creativity and Expression
As you grew up, in high school, your purpose became photography. In fact, you interacted with every person from your class as you photographed the entire yearbook.
Your Purpose: Creativity, Expression, Interpersonal communication
Your first job, at a local newspaper, allowed you to photograph your town and—eventually—to start penning op-eds of your own about your town and all of the colorful characters who reside there.
Your Purpose: Creativity, Interpersonal Communication, Writing
Try this exercise out. If you run into an area where you felt you "lost" your purpose, try to relocate it. Perhaps your high school job as the basketball team manager can give you some clues as to a new path (yes, maybe even a new career path) for you.
2. What Would the Child Version of Me Think of Me Today?
We love this question from Soulsalt.com.
As children, we arrive in the world wide-eyed and ready to learn. We haven't been infected by limiting beliefs and self-doubt. As a result, for at least a little while, children can imagine a world full of possibilities.
Think back to yourself as a child.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What kind of activities did you enjoy?
- How did you view the world?
- Who did you admire from a young age and why?
- What part of your inner child still exists and are there parts you can unlock?
Just like we looked back in our first question, this gives you an opportunity to look back into a time of your life when you weren't burdened with too many expectations. What did you do to ensure that you felt happy as a child?
3. What Does My Happy Place Look Like? How Can I Infuse That Into My Real Life?
Close your eyes and picture your happy place. This is the place you'd go to in order to relax, unwind, and feel fulfilled. Pay attention to what surrounds you in your happy place.
- What does it look like?
- What does it smell like?
- What items are there in your happy place?
- What type of company is present in your happy place?
- Is there music playing? Can you smell anything?
If you're like me, your happy place is on a beach in Greece. Since I can't realistically get on a plane to Paros anytime soon, I can use it to soothe myself in times of stress, Beyond that, I can take elements from my happy place.
For example, I am reading a book, because I always want to prioritize reading more than I do. I am outdoors, which makes me feel connected with nature and is beneficial to my health and wellbeing for a variety of reasons.
4. Who are Some People or Elements That You Should Eliminate from Your Life?
We get sidetracked in life for many reasons. We might be healing from loss or trauma. We may have faced a disappointment or an embarrassing situation. At times like these, we start to mimic the signs of grief—and we can become disorganized and disparate.
When we feel lost or confused, it's a great time to take stock of our life, what's working, and what can be eliminated. For example, is there a friend who seems to only bring you down further when you're feeling aimless? Do you lean into a little "self-medication" when faced with a problem to untangle?
When you're feeling particularly adrift, it's a good time to edit the bad out of your life. While we can't tell you what is definitively good or bad for you, we have a few ideas of toxic elements that are typically freeing to eliminate.
- Bad relationships
- Self-medicating (ie. binge drinking to disconnect)
- Toxic workplaces
- Bad bosses
- Cycles of burnout (working too hard to avoid other elements of your life)
- Avoidance
- Comparison traps
- Fear of the unknown
- Over-commitment (ie. packing your schedule to the brim to avoid other things)
- Impulse buying
- Fixating on the past (ie. a great success or fear that you've already "peaked" (you haven't))
Note: We aren't mental health experts here at Career Contessa. If you are experiencing heightened anxiety or depression, please visit SAMHSA to find numerous resources on mental health and substance abuse.
5. What New Thing Would I Be Interested in Trying?
Learning something new is a liberating experience—even (and maybe especially!) when it's frustrating and laborious to learn! We are huge huge huge advocates of an always learning outlook here at Career Contessa.
Whether or not your life crisis has to do with work, learning a new skill is a great way to kickstart your brain and body. The best part is the reverberations that come with learning something new. All of a sudden, you feel inspired, invincible, and ready to try something new.
6. Who Are Some Successful People I Admire and Why?
Who do you admire? What are qualities you wish you had? Is there a way to build up those qualities in yourself?
Who is someone who demonstrates the exact mission statement that you'd like to establish for yourself? If they're someone you know, reach out. Pick their brain! Invite them to coffee or a Zoom to discuss their career and their trajectory. Explain some of the struggles you're facing in determining your own future. Not only will you gain valuable insights, but you'll also likely feel less alone. Everybody struggles with this question at one point.
If you can't think of anyone off the top of your head, try this.
Look at Your Socials
Normally, we would tell you to stay as far away from social media as possible—especially when making healthy decisions based on yourself.
As a reminder, social media is the ultimate flattering mirror with the perfect lighting. It can (and often does!) make everyone look better, wealthier, and happier than the actual truth.
Who are some people on Instagram or LinkedIn that you really admire? What are they exuding in their posts, in their lifestyle, and in their words?
7. What is Giving Me Feelings of Uncertainty?
Those of us raised by Boomer parents are very familiar with the "job loyalty" thing. It's where your parents stayed at the same job for 20, 30, 40, or 50 years.
By retirement, they have spent their entire careers at the same desk in the same office. Even if they were unhappy, unfulfilled, or yearning for more, many stayed for security, stability, and maybe fear of trying something new.
Our lives change—and our jobs and organizations don't often change alongside us.
If your job is the problem, maybe it's time to find something that fits into your life now; maybe you're pulling long hours, you're feeling out of your comfort zone in your industry, or your priorities have simply changed.
All of these feelings are fine. We are humans. We are meant to grow, expand, and learn. It's only natural to feel discomfort in "old places" as we grow into more complex people.
8. Is There Someone I Can Speak to in Order to Gain Clarity?
It's time to phone a friend. This could be someone who is already on your "confidence squad", your team of people who help you get through times of struggle. This is the person who will always know what to say to motivate you to keep searching because they know how awesome you are from the inside and out.
