Some people are born with oodles of confidence.
Must be nice. Some of us? We struggle with it. Confidence levels ebb and flow–it’s a natural part of being human.
The same person who can effortlessly scale a wall 100 feet high might find public speaking to be the most nerve-wracking thing ever.
Just like working on anything difficult, it’s nice to have a little team to hold you accountable, to help you navigate a rough patch or moment of weakness, and to “keep it real” when you need a little realness.
That’s why we built this little confidence team—with five players we think every person working on their own self-worth should have on the field (or on the court, sports!) at all times.
The Cheerleader (The Master of Ceremony)
The first person we want on our team—especially when starting out on a confidence-building journey—is a cheerleader. This is the person who is going to be on your sideline cheering you on, no matter what.
Your cheerleader is in your inbox, in your DMs, and in your text messages—maybe they're at your front door in the morning with a hot coffee and a doughnut. They're that good. Your cheerleader is ready to get you through it—with a ready list of your strengths and your accomplishments.
Early on in your confidence-building, you might find rough patches in the road and you need someone cheery and encouraging to navigate them—without any tough love or second-guessing.
Where the Cheerleader Excels:
In moments of weakness and reduced confidence, your cheerleader is there for you—to lift you out with no questions asked.
Where the Cheerleader is Weakest:
In the areas of “keeping it real” or “telling it like it is”, your cheerleader is likely not going to excel, but that’s ok. We have other team members for that. While we believe the cheerleader is absolutely crucial for the beginning of the confidence-building process, try not to lean on the cheerleader too much.
Examples of Cheerleaders:
- Kimmy Schmidt from The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
- Ilana Wexler, Broad City
- Hurley, LOST
- Sookie St, James, Gilmore Girls
- Olaf, Frozen
- Jared Dunn, Silicon Valley
The Realist (The Doctor)
Our antidote to the cheeriness of the cheerleader is the realness of the realist. Yep, your realist “doctor” is here with a dose of—you guessed it—reality.
We’re not here to dump on the cheerleader, because they are so necessary. Rather, we are going to talk about the realist can work in conjunction with the cheerleader—and pick up the slack in the “keeping it real” department.
For example, if you’re having a confidence struggle at work, your cheerleader is going to encourage you with “rah-rah” motivational language. “You can do this! You’ve got this!” On the other hand, the realist (aka the doctor) is going to get a little deeper to find out what’s going on—and why.
The realist will ask questions about your confidence lapse. Things like:
- What is it about this project that is causing this lapse in confidence?
- Are there any steps to take to overcome it today?
- Have you spoken with leadership about the challenges you’re facing?
- What have you learned from past mistakes or lessons that can help you today?
Where the Realist Excels:
The realist excels at helping you to identify the root cause of your confidence.
Where the Realist is Weakest:
The realist is not going to sugarcoat anything nor offer you platitudes to feel better. The realist is clinical and solution-based.
Examples of Realists:
- Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
- Ron Swanson, Parks + Recreation
- Chidi Anagonye, The Good Place
- Moira Rose, Schitt's Creek
- Michael Bluth, Arrested Development
- Miranda Bailey, Grey's Anatomy
The Challenger (The Lawyer)
The challenger or the lawyer has entered the room—and they’re even worse than the doctor. Just kidding. The challenger is great to have on your confidence team to build serious long-lasting confidence, but it might hurt a little.
Unlike the cheerleader, who is going to meet you at every corner with solutions and praise, the challenger is going to constantly ask more of you—to push you to the next level. We used “lawyer” as an example because your challenger is basically going to act as a litigator—to ask even more probing questions on the who, what, why, when, and where of building your confidence.
Where the Challenger Excels:
The challenger excels at looking through a kaleidoscope at a variety of options, solutions, and possible outcomes.
Where the Challenger is Weakest:
The challenger is steeped in logic and facts-based solution, so they’re not going to be the soft touch you might want at times. But that’s ok. An analytical approach is something you’re going to need to build confidence and—in the future—navigate yourself out of confidence limbos with facts-based, self-directed questions.
Examples of Challengers:
- Dr. House, House
- Olivia Pope, Scandal
- Miranda Priestley, The Devil Wears Prada
- Rick Sanchez, Rick + Morty
- Peggy Olson, Mad Men (Remember how we said you can build your own challenger tendencies? Peggy Olson did that on Mad Men!)
- Angela Abar, Watchmen
The Helper (The Teacher)
We know, the realist and the challenger can be a particularly anti-fun bunch. The next person you’re going to want to enlist on your confidence team is the helper.
The helper is basically an amalgamation of the cheerleader, the realist, and the challenger. They’re going to implement a combination of the aforementioned confidence team members’ tactics.
Basically, the helper is going to shapeshift a little from situation to situation. They’re going to give you what you need when you need it.
When you’re suffering a general confidence lapse, the helper can act like a cheerleader-realist, who is going to give you some encouragement mixed with real talk advice. When you’ve made a big mistake that has caused your confidence to absolutely plummet, the helper can act as more of a realist-challenger, by forcing you to figure out why you made the blunder and how to proceed from there.
The helper's work is never done, because they are always assisting you in your growth. Work with your helper to build habits that help build confidence.
Where the Helper Excels:
Like your favorite teacher ever, the helper knows intuitively when to give you the best bit of themselves.
Where the Helper is Weakest:
Umm, we sort of think the helper is perfect.
Examples of Helpers:
- Leslie Knope, Parks + Recreation
- Mr. Feeny, Boy Meets World
- Tami Taylor, Friday Night Lights
- Joan Carol Clayton, Girlfriends
- Mr. Miyagi, The Karate Kid
The Motivator (Personal Trainer)
And last but not least, we have the motivator. The motivator is the person who is going to call you on your crap, unprompted, and keep you going. You need a motivator—especially for the long haul. Ideally, over time, you’ll actually become your own motivator.
Before we talk about what a motivator is, let’s be crystal clear on what the motivator most certainly is not. The motivator is not someone who is going to hammer you down with insults and damaging language. The motivator is with you to get you through the moment, to help you jump over the final hurdle, and to give you a big high-five when you're there. Think of the motivator like a Richard Simmons—a cheerleader with a little extra push.
Where the Motivator Excels:
The motivator excels at peeling you up off the couch, moving your forward, and helping you to the finish line.
Where the Motivator is Weakest:
The motivator is a pretty strong member of your confidence team, but you can think of them as more of an "in-the-moment" member. The motivator is going to specialize in lifting you up in the moment, not planning ahead or strategizing next steps.
Examples of Motivators:
- Richard Simmons
- Titus Andromedon, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Watch him "Lemonade" for a serious confidence boost!)
- Captain America
- Elle Woods, Legally Blonde
- Sophia Burset, Orange is the New Black
