What’s a comparison trap—and how do I avoid stepping into one?
Whether or not you are even aware of it, you might be constantly comparing yourself to others. Add social media into the mix, where everyone is sharing the "highlight reel" of their lives, well, we have a perfect storm for a big, gaping comparison trap. But, let's avoid them.
Today, we are talking about recognizing comparison traps, identifying jealous behavior, and nipping it all in the bud. Let's take an outsider view into the damaging comparison trap so that we don't fall deep into next time.
If you're looking for expert advice, we invited Christine Hassler back into our podcast studio for our Summer School sessions of The Femails to discuss (at length) comparison traps.
Listen to the full episode over on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Google Podcasts. A full transcription of the episode can be found here.
Identifying Comparison Traps
When we are comparing ourselves to someone else, we are often seeing unrecognized qualities about ourselves—ones that haven't been fully realized for us—yet.
What you're likely seeing are things you could achieve yourself. Instead of succumbing to traps, you can apply yourself to this goal—and make it happen. Here is a three-step process we learned to keep your head above water when facing a particularly damaging bout of jealousy.
Step One: Accept It + Restrain from Judgement
Wow, here I am (again) comparing myself to someone. So what? Instead of beating yourself up for feeling jealous, envious, or less-than, accept it. It's as easy as that. Identify that it's happening and accept it.
So, it's happening. Don't resort to guilt or anger at yourself. Recognize the moment. Take a few deep breaths and proceed to step two.
Step Two: Why am I Being Triggered?
When you feel trapped in the muck of a comparison trap, figure out why. Is it because this other person seems happier? Is it because she seems to have more money? Are there qualities about her that you wish you had? Whatever it may be, there is a root cause to it. And, believe it or not, there is a workable solution to it.
For example, maybe you're jealous of one of your coworkers. Maybe she recently received a promotion that you had your eyes on, too. Here you are, feeling jealous. Instead of throwing your hands in the air and deeming her a better employee, examine the steps she took to get there. Does she speak up more in meetings? Does she raise her hand when a new project arises? Rather than sulking in jealousy, create a workable plan to achieve your own success.
There might be a root cause of your jealousy in some cases. If you spent your childhood as an introverted, go-with-the-flow kind of kid, you might be stuck in that old narrative.
Identify the root cause—then kill the root.
Step Three: How Can I Use This Comparison to My Advantage?
Don't skulk around in a jealous haze. Maybe enlist the help of this coworker. Pick her brain on how she did it. Enhance your working relationship—maybe even to a level where she is mentoring you.
More often than not, we fall into comparison because we are recognizing unrecognized qualities about ourselves—ones that we are not fully stepping into. It's not that we can't. When we catch ourselves feeling actively jealous, we are often seeing something we could achieve. What we need to do is lean into these opportunities.
Next time you find yourself feeling icky-jealous—whether it's because you're visiting your best friend in her newly-purchased home or because your coworker got that promotion—accept it, identify why it's happening, and create an actionable plan to pull yourself up to your full potential.
You've got this. Really (no, really!)
