Job Search Diaries: I Didn't Get the Job, Now What?

I have spent the last two months interviewing and testing for a job I really (really, really, really) wanted. It felt like the perfect fit and everything lined up perfectly.  Spoiler alert: I didn’t get it. 

The worst part? I feel like I did everything “right” and followed all the sacred job applicant rules. I learned everything about the company. I tailored my resume. I contacted the hiring manager directly. I created a custom portfolio. I always sent thank-yous after each interview round. 

And that’s not all! I never put all of my eggs in that one proverbial basket. I continued to apply to other jobs, and I welcomed invitations to interview elsewhere. I connected with recruiters with soft leads, even when I knew they would ghost me as soon as I replied to their messages! 

In fact, when I finished my final four-hour interview, I told my husband that I had done everything to the best of my ability. It had gone as well as I could have hoped, and if they passed me over, it was out of my control, anyway. So why do I feel so bad about this? I’ve been rejected before, so what gives? 

And why does the job search process feel like a nightmare version of The Bachelor? Where's my rose? 

The Job Search is Scary

It’s a very scary job market right now. While the economy is supposedly good and unemployment is supposedly down, it sure doesn’t feel that way. I’m no economist, but this video from Money With Katie breaks it down in terms I understand and commiserate with! 

Even under the best circumstances, it’s scary for any job seeker to start a job search, whether intentionally or by force of layoffs, restructuring, or what have you. There’s a ton of vulnerability in the job search process. The fact that our livelihood and health insurance are tied to it is just the stress icing on the anxiety cake. Thanks, America! 

When the recruiter informed me that they “passed” on me, they had nothing to share regarding feedback. 

“I wish I could give you feedback,” she said, “But you did everything right, and everyone was impressed. It’s just that there was somebody else.” 

It’s tough feedback because it isn’t really feedback, is it? 

As I return to the drawing board, I guess I have some takeaways. I’d hesitate to call it advice, but maybe it will be helpful to someone in the midst of a long job search. 

1. Reintroduce Yourself to Yourself 

Each time you start a new job search, you're a different person. 

Your Career is Different

That’s right! The job search you successfully completed two, three, or ten years ago is completely different. The economy has changed, the landscape has changed, and pay grades have changed. But most importantly, you have changed. 

For example, in my current job search, I am further into my career. As a result, I have more experience and better networking connections—and I am looking at more senior positions. 

The thing is, I can’t tell if this is making my search easier or much more difficult. 

Your Life is Different

Beyond my experience, my entire life has changed. Since the last time I looked for a job, I got married, I had a child, I “did” a freaking pandemic, and I had another child. 

Your entire purpose may have changed, and that’s not nothing. Again, this is a great thing. I know what I am working for and who I need to support. 

On the other hand, it’s pretty stressful. After a short final phone call, walking out to your expectant family with that telltale “rejected” frown is a bad feeling. 

Create Your Gameplan

My guidance here? Know your values before you hit the ground. Know what you need and know your dealbreakers. If you have a partner, discuss your expectations about your job search beforehand. What happens if you don’t find a job within a month? What are you willing to accept? If you don’t have a partner, find a mentor or a sounding board.

Personally, I need someone to talk me out of desperation; to remind me that I have particular goals for this job search. I can’t let setbacks put me off course. 

Make a plan. Make a backup plan. Plan for detours, timelines, and obstacles. Don’t lose sight of the plan. 

2. Manage Expectations 

If you lived in my household during this six-week interview process, you should have heard me fantasize! 

I shudder to think of all the plans I made because I got too confident. At the same time, navigating an interview process with confidence makes the ride smoother. The only problem? The comedown from that confident ride can be brutal. 

Try to manage your expectations throughout the job process. The sad reality is that you can make all the right moves and lose out because the hiring manager's best friend's cousin entered the chat. You don't know what you don't know, so keep your expectations realistic. It's never final until you're signing on the dotted line.  

3. Here's Permission to Take It Personally 

I hate when people tell me not to take a rejection personally. It is personal! It's deeply personal. 

When you spend weeks (or, in some cases, months!) getting to know a team, preparing projects for the process, and learning the ins and outs, how could you not take a rejection personally?

I say, take it personally! What I mean is this: remember that you are incredible, amazing, and talented. For some reason, the hiring manager just thought someone else had something…different. 

But the most important thing to remember when dealing with job rejection is this: If they don’t “want” you, you probably don’t want them either. 

I hate drawing parallels to dating, but it can feel that way. After four or five dates (interviews), a few love letters (resume, cover letters, projects), and meeting your friends (references), the rejection really stings. 

How could a company get to know me so well, and then discard me? You can feel some type of way about it. 

4. Lick Your Wounds + Move On 

As I write this, I am just about finished licking my wounds. 

Maybe I am being dramatic, but it took me a good three days to recover from a Monday morning rejection. I mean, couldn't they have let me down on a Friday? 

My confidence took a huge hit, and it showed. I had a second interview at another company the next day. I couldn't answer questions and I was talking myself into circles. In the end, I fumbled it so badly that I had to come clean and prematurely end our meeting. 

“In full disclosure, I just went through a six-week interview process that ended with a final-round rejection. I am really sorry to have wasted your time, but my brain is still fried from that experience.” 

Luckily, that interviewer was generous and kind, but he didn’t really want to speak with me again. Could I blame him? Nope!

If you can get right back into it, go for it. 

I learned that I needed a moment or two to process. If you’re like me, take a little time to lick your wounds. You can try writing out your feelings, filing them, and moving on. 

5. We’re In This Together?

Remember that saying from the early days of COVID-19? 

It’s still a little traumatic, but it holds true. 

I don’t know if it makes me feel better or worse that so many people are in my shoes. It certainly makes me feel like I should be lunging at every opportunity. Try to offer support where you can. Lift others up through support and kind words. 

Talk to other job seekers! Find out where they’re struggling, exchange any tips you have learned in your respective job searches so far, and create an open channel for communication. 

I recently reconnected with another job seeker navigating the same scary job market. We can joke, exchange tips, share jobs (we are in different fields), and vent about why LinkedIn won’t stop emailing me about an open position with more than 2,000 active applicants. 

This will all be a distant memory soon. I'm here with you, wishing you the best of luck!