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When it comes to conversations you need to have at work as a new working mama, it is all about preparation.
The good news? You have nine months to plan and practice—and we are here to help.
Conversation 1: YOUR MATERNITY LEAVE/BENEFITS
Hopefully you asked before you took the job, but if not, now is the time to find out company’s maternity leave policy (do they offer paid leave? Unpaid? Do you have to use PTO?). If you’ve already been at your company for a while, this conversation may be a dead giveaway that you’re “trying”—but it is critical that you know where your company stands. This could be a (discreet) conversation with HR, but avoid conversations with colleagues before you’ve told your boss. You might also want to take a closer look at your health benefits to find out how much prenatal care is covered.
How to Prepare
Know what you’re entitled to by researching what your state’s family leave policies are (California, for example, offers six weeks of paid maternity leave). You should also get a sense of the norms in your office. Did your boss go back to work full-time after she had a baby? Take Fridays off? Understanding the culture will help you set expectations for yourself and figure out a plan that works for everyone. (But remember, taking family leave isn’t an ask—it is your right. I found it helpful to be thoughtful and gracious but also firm.)
Conversation 2: SHARING THE NEWS THAT YOU ARE EXPECTING
Perhaps this is obvious, but your boss should be first to know the news (with the exception of your work wife if you would trust her with your life, and we mean life). It may be tempting to tell other colleagues, but fight that urge—your boss will appreciate being the first to know. Get on your boss’ calendar, and resist the temptation to share the news in passing beforehand. And of course, it’s important to remember that that every company (and every boss!) is different. Think about the context. Does your boss have children? Are you the first person in your company to take a maternity leave? Is one of your close colleagues pregnant as well? Know your audience, and try to imagine where they are coming from as you navigate this often tricky situation.
How to Prepare
Chances are you’ve started to think about your workload and what being away might mean. I found it helpful to outline all of my current and future responsibilities and create a work plan, including suggestions of how my responsibilities might be taken care of while I was out. Should your company hire a temp? Disperse your responsibilities within the current team? Put certain projects on hold? Lay out some options and offer pros and cons for each potential solution. Even if it isn’t perfect, a plan will help prevent a panic about your workload and will demonstrate that you are thinking ahead. Come prepared to talk through your work plan, and once you decide on a course of action, put together a list of practical information that might help those who will step in for you.
Conversation 3: PLANNING YOUR RETURN
Think realistically about whether and when you’ll come back to work, but also acknowledge what you can’t yet possibly know. Set up an expectation with your supervisor of when you might be back, given constraints and child care solutions, but allow for flexibility. Your plan for child care will definitely inform this decision, but so will your workflow.
How to Prepare
Know what you don’t know. And don’t make critical decisions during those first few weeks at home. I knew that becoming a parent would be a huge change and an emotional one—so I made a conscious decision not to make any major decisions that I couldn’t easily reverse until at least 6 weeks after my daughter was born. Come up with your return plan and let your employer know as soon as possible.
Conversation(s) 4: YOUR FIRST DAY BACK
Make sure that you schedule time with your boss to talk through what you have missed. You should also have time set aside to connect with whoever covered for you while you were out, so that you can get looped back in, and so that they can hand off any moving pieces.
How to Prepare
There is little you can do to prepare for this conversation. My advice for that first day back? Buy yourself a few adorable office outfits to make the return back a little sweeter and to feel like your best self (Pants and tops are best if you'll be pumping at work, a dress makes things a wee bit complicated). You’ll look forward to wearing that killer outfit (sans baby belly!).
Conversation 5: PUMPING AT WORK
If you’re breastfeeding and would like to continue when you go back to work, you’ll need to find out whether there is a space to pump. (Ideally, have this conversation before you leave to give your office time to set up.) This can be an awkward one, especially for those working in an “open floor concept” office. If you don’t have your own private office and there is no designated pumping space, you may need to make the case for creating one. Remember that a pumping room could also serve other purposes—such as a meditation room—and that there are serious benefits to meditation in the workplace (like lowering a company's healthcare costs by reducing chronic stress). You will also need to ask about storage—and prepare your office if you’ll be keeping milk in the fridge.
How to Prepare
Know your rights. The Affordable Care Act requires employers to provide a reasonable break time and a private space (that is not a bathroom) to pump. Oh, and a word of advice, invest in a few great pumping bras that don’t look terrible under blouses (I love this one by Rumina).
Conversation 6: SETTING BOUNDARIES (AND HOURS)
This conversation may need to happen with your broader team, including those you manage. After you've taken the time to think about what your needs are once you’re back at work, have an open conversation about what your expectations are as far as work-life balance. Do you need to leave early certain days? Can’t answer email during the bedtime ritual? Talk openly with your team about what will help you maintain balance. And by the way, having a conversation about expectations and flexibility is key to being happy for anyone, not just a working parent.
How to Prepare
Practice saying no and speak up when your boundaries are crossed. If you don’t communicate, no one improves at respecting your boundaries. Also, keep your schedule open those first few weeks, and allow yourself the flexibility to leave early or arrive late—those extra moments with your little one will help you ease into your new reality.
While these conversations are critical, it’s important to remember that it isn’t just work conversations that need to take place. You should continuously have conversations with yourself about what you want. You may be surprised by how much you enjoy being back at work, or how much you dread it. So be prepared to reflect and be honest with yourself. And in order to really kill it at home and at the office, you need to have a conversation with your partner or spouse about expectations. If you can be open with yourself, your partner, and your employer, you can reduce the stress that comes with being a working mama.
While these conversations are critical, it’s important to remember that it isn’t just work conversations that need to take place. You should continuously have conversations with yourself about what you want. You may be surprised by how much you enjoy being back at work, or how much you dread it. So be prepared to reflect and be honest with yourself. And in order to really kill it at home and at the office, you need to have a conversation with your partner or spouse about expectations. If you can be open with yourself, your partner, and your employer, you can reduce the stress that comes with being a working mama.
Feature image courtesy of Olivia Jeannette
