The Art of Small Talk: Why Small Talk at Work Has Big Benefits

At the pandemic's start, I was relieved to avoid the cordial elevator chat on Monday mornings and skip the awkward pleasantries as I grabbed my lunch from the kitchen. After a while, however, I found myself craving small talk at work. I want to talk about the weather, about some celebrity gossip, and anything else. 

For introverts, small talk is like a shortcut to otherwise nerve-wracking conversations. At work, small talk is exactly how you deduce that Charles from accounting went to college with your best friend's cousin. It's an exhilarating feeling! 

Love it or hate it, small talk can lead to consequential conversations and serves as a an entry point to learn more about both the people you encounter everyday and those you meet for the first time ever. Small talk is much bigger than the weather outside your window today—and here's why. 

Table of Contents

The Science of Small Talk + Why Small Talk Matters

Small talk is a social skill.

It's a social lubricant that fills the void between uncomfortable silence and a productive conversation. It's informal, polite, and often revolves around unimportant things.

It helps gauge the mood of a room and the tone of a discussion with a few brief interactions. Small talk not only fills the white space; it also connects people.

Think of small talk like bricks. One or two bricks don't make much—but gather ten bricks or twenty bricks, and you start to establish a foundation. Small talk serves as the foundation for building trust.

It's during these small conversations that you form a relationship and then, later on, define it. Based on your topics of small talk and comfort level with an individual, you can distinguish between a colleague, an acquaintance, a friend, or a relationship that's deeper and more meaningful. 

An essay dated back to 1923 titled The Problem of Meaning in Primitive Languages addresses small talk by saying it "does not serve any purpose of communicating ideas" but instead it "serves to establish a personal union between people brought together by the mere need of companionship."  

Small talk isn't about sharing ideas or information; it's about finding common ground and creating bonds with other human beings.

Even if you're engaging in small talk with strangers, the interaction can leave you feeling heard and validated because it builds rapport, combats loneliness, and establishes a human connection that we all crave.

How to Turn Small Talk Into Important Conversations 

Do you remember the first conversation you had with your work wife? Chances are you didn't dive deep into a three-hour-long conversation.

There's a good likelihood that the relationship kicked off with a few casual exchanges—a quick hello before the start of a meeting or friendly chit-chat during lunch. 

Small talk at work often serves the purpose of filling a void. It's a time where it's easy enough to grab your phone and start scrolling through Instagram, but it feels more polite to engage in conversation with your coworkers since, you know, you're at work. 

It's also the time where you connect with someone to check in with no agenda, no motive, just the best intentions. 

You know that John Lennon quote, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans?" Small talk is kind of like that.

Relationships are what's formed when you're filling the awkward spaces between silence and meaningful conversations. While small talk is not in and of itself important, it's the culmination of small talk at work that leads to important relationships.

Have you ever wondered how long it takes before considering someone a casual friend? According to a 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, it takes 50 hours.

Establishing real friendships takes about 90 hours and close friends about 200 hours.

So, while small talk at work may not immediately make you besties, over time, it definitely adds up to something. The more you interact with someone, the closer you feel to them, the more personal the conversations become, and the more you feel connected and foster genuine relationships instead of transactional interactions.

How to Use Small Talk at Work 

Let's get one thing straight: Just because there are benefits to small talk doesn't make it less awkward and uncomfortable.

This is true at networking events, personal gatherings, and in the workplace. Many people seek to avoid small talk at all costs, but the reality is that small talk is a necessary evil.

It's become even more strange these past couple of years as we learned how to navigate keeping up with coworkers through phones and computer screens. 

When you're unsure how to start a meeting or connect with colleagues, use great conversation starters or a few fun facts to get things rolling. At work, you'll want to keep it professional, so the best small-talk topics will likely steer clear of politics, religion, or potentially contentious topics.

However, that doesn't mean that small talk can't lead to deeper conversation and connections with your coworkers or boss. You could ask and share things like: 

These recommendations might seem like idle chitchat, but this is a great way to improve small talk skills and build stronger connections at work. Anybody who has ever bonded over a TV show knows you can find a new best friend while discussing your favorite show, week after week.

8 Good Small Talk Topics

In the same piece by Malinowski referenced above, he defines small talk as "purposeless expressions of preference or aversion, accounts of irrelevant happenings, comments on what is perfectly obvious."

Small talk, especially small talk at work, most often is not meant for groundbreaking ideas. It's not a place to share your life story or establish a deep bond in a single interaction. 

Small talk at work is often brief and light. That's not to say small talk can't evolve into deeper discussions over time once you've established a relationship with individuals, but definitely read a room before unveiling your life saga.

It's best not to dive into family drama or personal issues on your first go-around with a coworker, but if you've found yourself establishing a level of comfort where you think it's appropriate, then, by all means, go for it. When you're not sure where you stand, proceed with caution until you have an opportunity to gauge the relationship.

If you need an idea of good conversation starters to get the ball rolling, try a few of these on for size.

1. Weather

This is the tried and true conversation starter. Whether it's sunny or raining cats and dogs, it's about the most neutral topic you can use to start a conversation.

2. Current Events

Think about what's going on in your local community or in the world. If you read the news, bring up something interesting you saw that morning. 

Talk about last night's sporting event, local event, or something upcoming you're excited about. As mentioned, it's best to avoid controversial topics, like politics and religion as conversation starters.

3. Food

Everybody gets hungry, and everybody eats. Talk about a new recipe you tried or your favorite restaurant in town. As the saying goes, the quickest way to a new friend is through their stomach or something like that, right?

4. Hobbies

Did you pick up a new hobby this past year? Maybe you started running or playing an instrument. Chatting about what you do in your free time is a quick way to identify mutual interests.

5. Object Appearance

Compliment a necklace or a new haircut. Whether intentional or not, people put effort into how they look. If you notice a cute top or new photo in the back of a Zoom background, say something nice about it.

It goes without saying that you shouldn't comment on someone's weight or something they might be self-conscious about, like acne. A good rule of thumb is to avoid commenting on physical appearance, as you never know what physical, chronic, or mental illness can affect appearance.

6. Family

Family is a great topic, especially when you both have children or appear to be around the same age. Until you know the person a bit better, it's best to keep it light. Talking about family feuds or estranged parents can be heavy and put a damper on things. If you see a photo of their kids or hear about their upcoming nuptials, start there.

7. Work

Especially at work, you can always fall back on what's going on at your company, what you're working on, or upcoming events. As long as you both work at the company, it's the one common interest you can rely on.

8. Media

Have you ever bonded with someone over a television show, a favorite band, or a particularly riveting podcast? It might sound silly, but bonding over media is a huge entry point.

Consider sharing some of your all-time favorite books, movies, television series, podcasts, books, and more. You never know where your fellow Celine Dion fans are lurking. 

How to Transform Small Talk Into Big Ideas

If you're still rolling your eyes, stick it out a little longer. Small talk is a buildable skill. Mastering the art of small talk can help you navigate industry events, interviews, and virtually any social function. 

If you've ever met the type of person who can connect with seemingly any other person, you've met someone who has mastered the art of small talk. This individual can transform a seemingly innocuous chat about a Netflix program into a deep dive into the meaning of life. 

When you build up your small talk skills, especially at work, you're also building:

Here's how to use small talk to dig deeper.

1. Have an Open Stance + Approachable Body Language

When we think about communication, we typically think of words, both spoken and written. However, your nonverbal cues are just as important, especially in a networking setting. 

Keep your posture open. Uncross your arms and angle your body towards the person you're in conversation with. 

2. Smile or Relax Your Face

We know that nobody wants to be told to smile, but if you're looking to show approachability and genuine interest, put on a friendly face. While you don't have to keep a Joker-style smile glued to your head, try unclenching your jaw, loosening your tongue from the top of your mouth, and smizing. Thanks, Tyra. 

3. Ask Questions 

Even if you suffer from social anxiety and you're providing short answers until you feel comfortable, ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation flowing. 

When someone is sharing a story of their own experience, use mirroring to ask questions that show you're listening and engaged. Mirroring is when you use the speaker's words to respond to what they have just said. It indicates that you're a good listener and that you're engaged in the topic. 

For example: 

4. Provide Thoughtful Responses 

You can also use mirroring to provide your own thoughtful response. Even in new social interactions, you can respond to a person's experience with a nod of appreciation, a similar story of your own, or (when appropriate) laughter and appreciation. 

5. Remember Pieces of Information

If you're looking to build rapport with your coworkers, commit their responses to memory. For example, if your coworker loves dogs, ask them if they caught the televised dog show over the weekend. Remember small talk details. This separates "meaningless chit chat" from real communication skills. 

Once you know enough about your coworkers, the dialogue will become easy and natural. Suddenly, you may have a new best friend at work.

Four Types of Small Talk + Conversations Starting Questions

Small talk takes many different forms depending on the setting. What you'd discuss at a dinner party is different than what you'd talk about in an interview. Try to ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation going and avoid looking at your phone, so you don't seem disinterested.

Small Talk in Networking + Questions to Ask 

The goal of networking is to meet new people.

This is a prime setting for small talk because chances are you don't have any existing relationships or you see the people you do know infrequently. Good conversation starters at a networking event revolve around the context of the event, work, and where you live. In addition to the conversation starters mentioned above, these questions can help navigate a conversation with a new contact.

Small Talk in Interview Setting + Questions to Ask 

Interviews are a prime place for small talk. Most of the time, you interact with people you're meeting for the first time, and you need to be professional and courteous to put your best foot forward. Small talk in an interview setting is very similar to small talk at work.

It's best to keep the topics neutral. Since the goal of an interview is to learn more about the company and for the hiring manager to learn more about you, stick to questions that are work-related, about the company, or about the interviewer's experience. 

Feel free to tailor these questions based on your interview format. Just as the company should avoid asking you illegal interview questions, err on the side of caution and skip over topics like age, ethnicity, and religion. 

Small Talk in Communicating Your Goals + Aspirations 

Water cooler talk may have drastically declined or disappeared completely for many of us, so it's up to employees to take the initiative and get creative to chit-chat about each other's lives before Zoom meetings and over email.

Once you've established a working relationship with your manager or peer, you might feel comfortable sharing more meaningful information about yourself. 

You can use small talk at work to communicate your goals and aspirations by dropping nuggets of information during brief interactions. Talk about what you're working on that excites you, what you'd like to be working on, and any goals you have.

It may feel like those are big topics to address, but they're very relevant in the workplace, and it's possible to find windows of opportunity to plant the seed about what you want. This way, your manager will remember you when the opportunity comes up.

Small Talk in Supporting Your Colleagues or Employees 

Small talk at work can quickly lead to complaining about dislikes at the company, annoying coworkers, and pet peeves. While it feels good to get something off your chest, be aware of who's in the room (or the Zoom) when you're doing so. 

Additionally, be alert for notes of stress and burnout in others. What appears to be a nonchalant comment by a coworker can actually be concerning if they're talking about a toxic work environment, how overworked they are, and how their job is affecting their physical and mental health.

If you engage in a conversation you find concerning, try to take the conversation offline at another time when they can elaborate on their issues. 

Supporting your colleagues doesn't always come in the form of help on a project or putting them up for a promotion, it's also seen by advocating for their well-being and the growth of their careers.