Photo by Vlada Karpovich
You probably have at least one limiting belief. I'm a bad driver. I'm not a numbers person. I'm too shy.
Off the top of my head, there are a few of my limiting beliefs. Some of these were developed young, in the throes of childhood, before I really had the self-awareness to listen to them.
Before we dive too much into limiting beliefs, let's talk about general beliefs. Personal beliefs are the ideas that certain things are true and real, often backed by a spiritual, emotional, or moral certainty.
Some of our beliefs are ingrained and immovable. Others are up for discussion or exploration.
Knowing your belief system allows you to make decisions that fit your life and your comfort level. However, sometimes we do ourselves a disservice by resting within our comfort zone for our entire lives.
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What happens when our beliefs stand in the way of meaningful growth? Are there beliefs that need to be undermined and dismantled?
What Are Limiting Beliefs?
Limiting beliefs are those beliefs that actually restrict you in some way—and they're usually based on fear or self-doubt. There are also many limiting beliefs that we "inherit" during childhood.
It could be your softball coach telling you that you're "just not athletic, not like your sibling." It could be losing out on a part in the school play. Instead of letting yourself be hurt for a little while, you add "cannot act or sing" to your own limiting beliefs from that point on.
Many of our limiting beliefs come from experiences that are often laced with shame, embarrassment, or fear. Once we "decide" we stink at softball, we might also decide we are no good at basketball, kickball, and the list goes on.
This kind of faulty logic is like manifestation gone wrong. Instead of manifesting and visualizing the good, we dump on ourselves with these self-limiting beliefs.
13 Common Examples of Limiting Beliefs
Before we dive into undoing the behaviors that go along with common limiting beliefs, let's profile some common limiting beliefs. All of the limiting beliefs you'll see come from a place of fear, low self-esteem, or negative past experiences.
Limiting beliefs make it near impossible to try something spontaneous or something "big" without a negative voice in your head saying something like, "Not so fast!"
1. I Can't
- I can't do public speaking.
- I can't do this job I was hired to do.
2. I Don't
- I don't know how to do that.
- I don't have the correct experience
3. I Shouldn't
- I shouldn't speak up because it's better to be quiet and agreeable.
- I shouldn't apply for that job because I won't get it.
4. I'm Not
- I'm not a great people person.
- I'm not athletic.
5. I've Tried, and
- I've tried learning Photoshop and I couldn't do it.
- I've tried reaching out to get a refund, and they won't answer
6. It's Too Late
- It's too late to pursue my dreams.
- I'm too old to wear something like that.
7. They're Better
- My husband is better with finances, so he handles my money.
- They will probably go with her for the promotion because she is much more organized.
8. I Don't Deserve
- I don't deserve this as much as my colleague.
- I don't think I have earned the right to ask for a raise. Maybe in another year.
9. I'm Not Worthy
- I'm not sure how I got here and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.
- Oh thank you, but I am pretty sure I just got lucky.
10. There's Someone Better
- There is someone better for that role, so I shouldn't even apply.
- My colleagues are far more knowledgeable on this subject.
11. I've Been Told
- I've been told that my experience doesn't align.
- My boss says I don't have enough experience to work anywhere else.
12. My [Loved One] Says I'm
- My mother says I have always been very nervous.
- My husband says I'm too confident and outspoken.
13. That's Stupid
- I don't like people who act all confident.
- I wouldn't trust what people say because they often go back on their word.
Do any of these sound familiar? These are all sentences that come from a fixed mindset—with all the conviction of beliefs that someone may have been holding on to since they were in diapers.
The antidote to almost all of these limiting beliefs? Try. Try Again. Prove your limiting beliefs wrong, wherever they come from.
How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs
The wild thing about limiting beliefs is that they are so normalized! In fact, many of the times I've shared my own limiting beliefs with someone, they are ready to dump on themselves too! It can go something like this:
Me: I am trying to figure out these data points, but my math seems all wrong, I suck at Math.
Them: Oh, me too. I have to outsource my data work because math gives me anxiety. Me: I got so lost trying to get here because my sense of direction is awful.
Them: Me too, I would be literally lost all the time without Google Maps.
Them: Oh, me too. I have to outsource my data work because math gives me anxiety. Me: I got so lost trying to get here because my sense of direction is awful.
Them: Me too, I would be literally lost all the time without Google Maps.
Leaning on the "ha-ha, I'm an idiot" narrative can seem endearing to others. It shows you're grounded and self-aware, but sometimes it keeps you from new opportunities. It gives off the stink of someone with zero self-confidence. In short, it does not serve you in the long run, so maybe it's time to reframe some of your self-directed negative beliefs.
Yeah, we see you there, impostor syndrome.
1. Identify the Limiting Belief
Yep, as with anything, we need to name the problem first. Take a few minutes and dedicate them to identifying your limiting beliefs. Get your pen and paper out and write out your biggest limiting beliefs. It's a strange feeling to see negative thoughts about yourself, by yourself, on paper.
Why are we so tough on ourselves?
2. Identify the Lie
All limiting beliefs contain a lie, so let's find it.
I can give you my own example of a very long period of time where a true anxiety limited me–and how I tried to contort my life to fit this limiting belief.
When I was very young, I lost a friend to a fatal car accident. From that day on, the thought of driving terrified me. I got my license at age 16, but then I moved to New York City. When I wanted to leave New York City, I knew I needed to move to a place where a car wasn't necessary because "I couldn't drive".
Sometimes, I would even stay awake late, thinking of how I was going to get my kids to soccer practice if I had them.
- My Limiting Belief: I can't drive.
- The Lie: Of course, I can drive. I even have the license to prove it.
Try it out. After you've written out your limiting belief, identify the lie associated with it. If you still feel the limiting belief has power over you, let's keep going.
3. Talk it Out
Due to the psychological nature of some of our more inhibiting limiting beliefs, shaking them off is not a one-step process. Some of these negative thoughts are so deeply ingrained, that they feel impossible to overcome. In fact, we might be really resistant to changing this part of our identity.
In fact, some of our limiting beliefs might also be part of our core beliefs. In these cases, it might be best to seek professional help. A therapist has the tools to help clear up your own perceptions and assumptions about yourself.
If your belief is rooted in an anecdotal story that is 20 years old, if it's a barrier to a next step you'd like to take, or if it's something that just seems pretty scary, try to uproot it.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Is my limiting belief closer to fact or closer to an excuse?
- Is my limited belief rooted in fear, or specifically, fear of rejection?
- Did I decide on my own limiting belief or did someone else assign it?
- Would my life be better without this limiting belief? Imagine how.
- What are new beliefs that I can replace my most limiting beliefs with? How would that feel?
4. Just Do It
Finally, if it seems doable, then do it. Reframe your nastiest limiting beliefs and see what happens. If you test the boundaries of your capabilities, you can come closer to your full potential. If it turns out that you do, in fact, stink at math, it's not a failure.
By just practicing breaking old habits and enacting a growth mindset, you are, in fact, gaining a better understanding of who you are—and we bet you're pretty amazing.
Believe in yourself, without any limits.
