Parents love to give life advice, but when it comes to career advice, should we follow it?
When I asked around the office for the most irrelevant career advice my coworkers had gotten from their parents, I got some interesting responses. Jacq’s mom was “humiliated” by the fact that she did not wear pantyhose to a job interview. Jacq’s response: “I don’t even own pantyhose.” Caileen’s mom simplified the job search process altogether: “Just apply for the company you want and work your way up.” Ah, if only it were that easy.
Meanwhile, Betsy and I, being the daughters of immigrants (heck not only am I the daughter of immigrants, I just am one) lacked career advice altogether. Our parents simply didn’t know the career/job processes here in the U.S. Both of my parents had their first experience of the job market in the Soviet Union. There wasn’t a whole lot of job searching freedom or “competitive candidates” under communism—needless to say, going to my parents for LinkedIn tips wasn’t the best idea.
Obviously, there’s a lot of value in listening to the advice of people who have experienced more life than you. They’ve gone through similar life transitions and made mistakes that hopefully, you won’t have to make. Plus, your parents are often your biggest fans—wouldn’t they want (or know) what’s best for you? The problem is, sometimes their advice is just irrelevant.
Maybe they’ve been out of the job search game for years, or you’re entering a field that didn’t even exist twenty years ago. But whether you’re asking for it or not, parental career advice is often bestowed upon you.
Here are our best tips on how to handle when your parents’ career advice misses the mark.
Instead of discounting everything, re-context the advice to what you’re doing and when you’re doing it.
Re-Context Their Advice + Then Use It
Just because your parents’ advice seems irrelevant doesn’t mean that you need to completely throw it away. The important thing to remember is that your parents’ advice is coming from a good place. Their intention is to help you succeed. So instead of discounting everything, re-context the advice to what you’re doing and when you’re doing it.
For example, your mom might tell you that it’s imperative for you to mail a thank you note to your interviewer. Re-contextualize this advice to the current times. Instead of mailing a letter, write an email. The intention is the same (you want to solidify your interest in the position,) but the manner in which you do it is more relevant to today’s standards.
Pro Tip: Not sure what to say in that thank you note? We’ve got a template for you.
Your parents probably just don’t fully understand what you are going through. Have you ever taken the time to actually explain what is is that you actually do?
Try Your Best to Explain Your Perspective
As I mentioned before, your parents’ advice is coming from a good place. It can feel harsh to dismiss or disagree with their advice, but to steer clear of any bad feelings, make sure you communicate your own perspective.
Your parents probably just don’t fully understand what you are going through. Have you ever taken the time to actually explain what it is that you actually do?
I studied Global Studies in college, a vague but very interesting major. According to my grandmother, I was going to school for journalism. Could I have explained to my grandmother what I was doing? Yes. Would she have understood what I was doing? Most likely, no. Sometimes it’s just easier to not get into it. My point is, however, if it becomes a point of contention in your relationship, the least you can do is try to explain your perspective. Maybe you’ll get some new advice out of it.
Stick to Your Own Timeline
A lot of parental career advice (and parental pressure) comes from the idea of meeting some sort of career timeline. As a kid, you are told that you will go to high school, college, graduate, get your first job, and maybe even go to grad school to be met with an even higher paid job after graduation.
Most millennials understand that it’s not that easy. The job market isn’t the same as it used to be, and in today’s world of startups and hybrid titles, college degrees and work experience are seemingly interchangeable. A degree in Global Studies doesn’t inhibit you from, say, working for a feminist startup as a marketing and content producer.
The same goes for career transitions. Maybe you’re unhappy at your job. All signs point to you quitting, but your dad insists that you cannot leave a job if you’ve been there for under a year. He worries that it will damage your reputation, and make it harder for you to find a new job. In reality, there can be pros to job hopping—increased job satisfaction, a higher salary, fast upward mobility, to name a few.
It’s important to understand that everyone’s career moves at a different pace, especially when comparing your own career with your parent’s careers. Keep in mind that ultimately, you are the only one who wholeheartedly understands your own career goals and what timeline is actually realistic for you. Ask yourself if you are doing something every day that gets you closer to your career dreams. If the answer is yes, you are more than likely on a great path.
In addition to researching advice, seek out role models and mentors that you admire.
Find Other Forms of Advice
Hey, look, wow—by reading this article you are already doing just that.
Fortunately, your parents are not the sole source of career advice. Online resources (like the ones provided at Career Contessa) often answer any questions you may have and strengthen skill that you already have.
In addition to researching advice, seek out role models and mentors that you admire. The best way to get relevant career advice is to talk to someone who has already done what you want to do. Ask to meet them for an informational interview and stay connected with them in the future.
