Photo by Meruyert Gonullu
I tried to start writing this piece approximately one thousand times, but I couldn't decide if I wanted to spell it flaky or flakey.
Now, that's flaky.
Unlike a buttery croissant or a soap-cutting video, it's not great to be described as flaky at work.
If you've ever been described as a flake, it's not flattering. Flaking out describes the last-minute text message you send to your friends because you can't get off of your couch. Flaking out is over-promising and under-delivering at work.
Table of Contents
- 3 Common Causes of Flaky Behavior
- 4 Flaky Behaviors and How to Stop Them
- 15 Habits of Reliable Workers
Flaking out is constantly feeling stressed out because you want to achieve everything you've promised, but, for some reason you can't.
If you can't already tell, I am a bit of a flake—but I'm working on it! Before you cast off all of the flaky individuals in your life, let's explore the reason for all these last-minute cancellations. There might be a little room for compassion and the benefit of the doubt when it comes to your flake friend.
Lastly, if you suspect that you're a flaky friend, read on to learn how to combat your own flakiness before your friend group casts you off forever.
You Might Also Like: Workplace Anti-Skills—9 Bad Personality Traits to Leave Behind
3 Common Causes of Flaky Behavior
Some folks are flaky because they are disingenuous or because they are engaging in people-pleasing behavior. Some of us are flakes because we become so anxious that we stop directly in our tracks rather than solve the problem.
Some of us are flakes because we're trying to give everyone constant access to our lives. In the process, we run the risk of alienating our close friends.
Whatever the reason for flakiness, it's worth exploring the root causes to reduce hard feelings, unkept promised, missed meetings, and friendship frustration. Whether it's overpromising, under-delivering, or trying to make it through a heavy depression, there are ways to edit your flaky behavior to release the strain on everyone involved.
1. I'm Flaky Because I'm Overscheduled
Overschedulers want to do everything. As a result, they RSVP an enthusiastic "Yes!!!!" to every event and over-promise to everyone. These types of flakes tend to be your extroverts, those who derive energy from socializing with others.
Since there are only 24 hours in a day—and since most of us do need to sleep—our calendars cannot contain everything. As a result, overschedulers send lots of those verrrrrrry long texts that detail the 15 reasons they couldn't make it. Then they promise another plan in the same text—and the cycle continues.
Especially after the 2020-2021 lockdown, overschedulers are back to their old tricks—and looking to put time on everyone's calendar.
How to Fix It:
If you're the overscheduled flake, give your calendar a moment of white space. Put your FOMO aside for five minutes and set your priorities.
If you're not using a calendar at all, use one. Write down the commitments you make. Better yet, figure out a system for the types of commitments you typically make and give them a score from 1-10, with ten being your most important commitment. If you've flaked on your BFF gene the last five times, you better mark your next commitment as a ten—or else.
2. I'm Flaky Because I'm a people-pleaser
We're all likely guilty of a little people-pleasing behavior once in a while.
Like many flakes, people-pleasers have good intentions, but they can't deliver on all of their promises. People-pleasers often experience feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection. As a result, they agree with everyone, they apologize too much, they take the blame that they needn't take, and they say yes to everything.
People-pleasers can often be found in the workplace helping everyone out while their own work suffers. You might be a chronic people-pleaser if you often find yourself in the office after hours, doing work that isn't technically yours. Once you become known as the office people pleaser, you will become a sitting duck—an easy target.
How to Fix It:
If you're a people-pleaser, we know you have good intentions. However, you're simply undoing yourself by giving too much to others.
Help out when you're needed. When situations call for all hands on deck—and sometimes they do during a busy season—that's your time to shine. However, don't become known as the person who will say yes to everything to the detriment of your own career. Practice using the word "No."—and try using it as a full sentence.
3. I'm Flaky Because I'm Anxious or Stressed
Sometimes, flaky behavior is not personal at all. In fact, this Psychology Today article describes a friendship worn down by repeat acts of flakiness.
When the "flakee" confronted her flaky friend, she found that something else was going on. Her friend's repeat cancellations were about much more than a missed movie night or a text message left on "read". Her friend was suffering from depression. While the flake friend continued to make plans, she couldn't muster the required energy to follow through.
In these circumstances, author Kira Asatryan urges folks to ask themselves, "What's really going on with my flaky friend?"
Sometimes, flakiness is a behavioral pattern that is a symptom of deeper emotional distress. I know that's what it is for me!
For socially anxious, introverted (hi!), and sensitive folks, there is a constant push and pull between two things—anting to socially interact with others and wanting to remain comfortably within their safe place.
How to Fix It:
If you're the flake in this circumstance, try to weigh out your anxieties. When planning a night out, make an honest assessment of just how you'll feel on a Friday night after a demanding work week. Will you really be "up" for dancing and drinks with your best friend and her five friends?
Before saying yes on the spot, take your own temperature. If there's something uncomfortable about the plans presented, offer an alternative that is comfortable for you rather than agreeing to plans you're likely to flake out on. Only make plans worth keeping.
If anxiety is the root cause of your flakiness, your close friends and family will understand. Those who can't understand why a 12-person bachelorette party isn't "your thing" might not be your people—and that's ok!
4 Flaky Behaviors and How to Stop Them
Now that we've identified some of the common causes for flaky behavior, let's take a look at the superficial act of flaking, how it looks to others, and how to cut them out or call them out.
1. Flakes Always Cancel at the Last Minute
This is quintessential flake behavior. We've all done it.
This is when the flake cancels plans at the very last minute. Sometimes, the flake attaches several reasons for their cancellation, sometimes even citing family emergencies. The problem with the excuse-laden flake is that it chips away at trust and reliability.
How to Stop:
As we addressed above, don't say yes to everything. Take a moment, double-check your calendar, and do a gut check with yourself before saying yes. Make plans you intend to keep. Try a "no flake" week to gauge which plans you could have easily declined.
How to be More Reliable::
If you're dealing with a last-minute cancellation flake, call them out. If you suspect they are being dishonest, use your discretion in addressing that. If you're especially frustrated, let them know that you won't be making any plans until further notice. Let your flake reach out to you.
2. Flaky People Are Late to Everything
While I can be a flake, my best friend is late to everything. Our opposing toxic behaviors are probably what keeps us balanced. Being late to everything can be a side effect of over-committing yourself.
Especially in the workplace, time management skills are a must. Tardy employees are a huge source of frustration and unreliability. If the time comes for layoffs or cutbacks, the last person to every meeting will be the first to be let go.
How to Stop:
Make sure that you are not overcommitting yourself. Once you have whittled down your schedule to a manageable amount of meetings and work, give yourself ample time to get to meetings and other important events. In these cases, technology is your friend.
You can set reminders to let you know how traffic looks, how long it will take to go from point A to point B, and how much time you actually have to get lunch.
How to be More Reliable::
Nobody wants to be the person who is told the event is at 3 pm when it's really at 4 pm, but that's what happens when you're habitually late. If you're dealing with a habitually late flake, you might have to fudge start times to ensure that they are actually on time. ,
3. Flakes Have Little or No Follow Through
If you make promises or plans without following through, you might be a flake. Like most flaky behaviors, this is one we are all guilty of once in a while. Sure, we want to "grab that coffee" and catch up, but when the time comes, well, eh.
How to Address It:
If someone doesn't follow through on a throwaway promise, you can probably let it go. However, if it's a continuous practice, follow up with solid plans. Sometimes, not following through is just a regular lapse in memory. In these cases, the flake will likely be thrilled that you followed up with plans. Try it!
How to be More Reliable::
If you constantly make promises and plans that you (secretly) have no intention of following up on, you might not even be aware of it.
However, if you're guilty of other flaky behavior mentioned in this article, then I have a sneaky suspicion that you make flaky plans, too. My advice? Become aware of it, and cut this behavior out.
4. Flakes Always Passi the Buck
Passing the buck describes the action of passing your guilt on to someone else. Flakes might pass the buck to explain missed deadlines, account for forgotten promises, or justify canceled plans.
How to Address It:
There's likely no way to address passing the buck without being directly confrontational. In a work situation, you might refer to the flaky party's responsibility or promise. While it's never comfortable to be confrontational at work, this behavior is far more conscious and dishonest. Worst of all, passing the buck wastes everyone's time and energy.
How to be More Reliable:
Just stop. When you make a mistake at work, the quicker you own up to it, the better. Attempting to pass the back makes you look guilty and dishonest. Get straight to the solution instead.
15 Habits of Reliable People
If you're trying to ditch your flakiness and become more reliable, it probably won't happen overnight. However, we're firm believers that changing your habits—even in tiny ways—is the key to changing your overall lifestyle.
Here are a few habits that reliable and trustworthy people employ at work and in their personal lives. If you're a self-proclaimed flake, practice these habits to rebrand yourself as reliable.
- Punctual: Reliable individuals are consistently on time for commitments, meetings, and deadlines.
- Honest: Trustworthy people communicate honestly and transparent, avoiding deceit or misleading information.
- Consistent: They maintain a stable and dependable behavior over time, making it easy for others to predict their actions.
- Dependable: They can be counted on to follow through.
- Communicative and Accessible: They foster open and clear communication, ensuring that others are well-informed and can trust the information they receive.
- Respectful: Reliable individuals treat others with respect, valuing diverse perspectives and maintaining a positive and inclusive attitude.
- Empathetic: Trustworthy people show empathy and understanding towards others, making an effort to comprehend different viewpoints and feelings.
- Discreet: They can be trusted to keep sensitive information confidential, respecting privacy and boundaries.
- Adaptable: Trustworthy individuals are flexible and can adapt to changing circumstances without compromising their principles.
Positive Attitude: They maintain a positive outlook, even in challenging situations, contributing to a constructive and uplifting environment. - Professional: Reliable individuals approach their work with a high level of professionalism, demonstrating competence and dedication.
- Helpful: Trustworthy people are willing to lend a hand and support others when needed, fostering a sense of community.
- Disciplined: They exhibit self-control and discipline, which contributes to their ability to meet commitments consistently.
- Loyal: Reliable individuals are loyal to their commitments, relationships, and values, demonstrating a sense of dedication and steadfastness.
- Continuous Learners: Trustworthy individuals strive for personal and professional growth, seeking opportunities for learning and development.
