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No matter your career path, you'll need to learn how to control your emotions at some point.
From deadlines and high-pressure projects to interpersonal conflicts and professional setbacks, the workplace can be a breeding ground for a wide range of positive and negative emotions.
The big problem is that professionally speaking, employees "shouldn't" let their emotions show at work—unless, of course, you're a male boss raging out for the 14th time this week.
Managing complicated emotions effectively is essential for maintaining productivity, fostering healthy relationships, and ensuring overall well-being.
The key to managing emotions at work is exactly that—you need to manage them. In this article, we'll share how to effectively manage your emotions at work, without shutting them down or letting them overtake your entire mind.
Table of Contents
- What Are Emotions, Anyway?
- The Most Common Complicated Emotions at Work
- How to Manage Emotions at Work
What Are Emotions, Anyway?
What are emotions, anyway? Let's start with the basics.
Emotions are reactions that humans experience in reaction to a circumstance, event, or different situation. in 1972, psychologist Paul Ekman suggested that there are six basic emotions. In the 1980s, another psychologist, Robert Plutchik, introduced eight core emotions. He added surprise and anticipation to Plutchik's list.
- Fear
- Disgust
- Anger
- Surprise
- Joy
- Sadness
- Surprise*
- Anticipation*
If this sounds like the entire cast of Pixar's Inside Out (which, incidentally, is an excellent examination of emotions, especially for young people), that's entirely by design. Plutchik also introduced the emotion wheel, which shows how the core emotions can be combined and experienced simultaneously.
For example:
- Surprise + Fear = Anxiety
- Joy + Fear = Guilt
- Disgust + Anger = Rage
If you're interested in learning more about emotions (there are over 34,000 permutations of emotions differing in intensity and impact), read more about the emotion wheel and how to use it to navigate complicated feelings.
Here's the thing. Emotions have a huge impact on our lives. Strong emotions can guide our decisions, affect our energy levels, and influence how much work we can produce when we're going through it. While the "old guard" of the workplace would guide you to shove your emotions deep down, suck it up, and move on, that's...not healthy.
The Most Common Complicated Emotions at Work
Ignoring emotions at work can lead to burnout, increased anxiety, depression, and overall unhappiness in your career. Simply put, ignoring your emotions is bad for your health. In fact, simply acknowledging your emotions can help you face and, ultimately, release yourself from their power.
According to Quantum Workplace, the most common negative workplace emotions are frustration, anxiety, and stress.
Examples of Common Emotions at Work
- Resentment or Jealousy: You resent your coworker who always seems to get more attention and recognition than you. As a result, you have become obsessed with their work instead of your own.
- Annoyance or Dislike: Your boss is a great leader but you're not a huge fan of theirs, personally. In fact, everything they do seems to peeve you.
- Rage or Anger: A particular client is often rude and dismissive of you, even though you always do your best to help them. Lately, their behavior has you on the verge of an absolute meltdown.
- Anxiety or Stress: Both your work and home life are incredibly stressful, but you feel too tired to address either, because you simply don't have the time to suss it all out. As a result, you're living in a constant state of anxiety and stress.
- Frustration: Your best work friend keeps making big mistakes on your collaborative projects. You are accustomed to cleaning up the mess, but their carelessness is becoming too frustrating to handle.
- Humiliation or Embarrassment: You made a mistake that caught the attention of, seemingly, the entire workplace. As a result, you've been living in a constant state of shame and humiliation.
Do any of these sound familiar? If you've been holding on to an emotion, you can feel how it's undoing your progress at work, causing increased stress, and leading you to a place of almost guaranteed burnout. Read this next section to deal with your emotions.
How to Manage Emotions at Work
"Being aware of our internal emotional state and being more mindful and present with how our mind and body respond to situations enables us to manage stress." shares Sleep and Psychotherapy expert Annie Miller.
1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Emotions
Naming something is extremely effective in removing some of its power.
The first step in managing complicated emotions is acknowledging and validating or accepting them. It's essential to recognize that it's normal and human to experience various emotions, including frustration, anger, anxiety, or sadness. Rather than rejecting your emotions, practicing emotional acceptance helps you practice mindfulness.
In this first step, you're not judging your emotions—we'll get to that later. Rather, you're accepting that these emotions are currently present.
Try this simple prompt:
I am feeling ________ right now.
2. Practice Self-Awareness
Imagine a workplace where every person has self-awareness. I'll give you a minute because it would be a pretty fantastic place, indeed.
While, unfortunately, we cannot will Chris from accounting to become more self-aware about his endless monologues about his weekend cycling trips (please make it stop), we do have control over our own self-awareness.
Self-awareness is critical to understanding the root causes of your emotions and how they manifest in your behavior. Take time to reflect on your feelings, triggers, and reaction patterns. Pay attention to physical sensations, thoughts, and behaviors associated with different emotions. Journaling or mindfulness practices can be helpful tools for enhancing self-awareness.
Here are some questions to ask yourself when experiencing complicated emotions at work:
- Why am I feeling this emotion?
- What led me to feel this emotion today?
- When is the last time I felt this emotion?
- How long have I been feeling this emotion?
- Is there a circumstance or a combination of events that led me to feel this emotion today?
- Is there a person who made me feel this emotion today?
3. Cultivate Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence comes easier to some than others, but that doesn't mean it cannot be cultivated. Emotional intelligence can almost always be learned or, at least, understood.
Emotional intelligence encompasses skills like self-regulation, empathy, and social awareness. It plays a crucial role in managing emotions. During moments of heightened emotion, have there ever been times you wished you took a moment instead of letting it all out? Self-regulation techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or short breaks can help to calm your mind in moments of emotional overload.
Emotional intelligence includes considering others' perspectives and understanding the impact of your words and actions on colleagues. Know when your emotions can be appropriately expressed and when a quick walk can help to diffuse a heated situation. Learn when and how to feel the uncomfortable rattle of your emotions without letting them overtake your logical mind.
4. Communicate Effectively
Communication is the cornerstone of every successful career. If I had a dollar for every time I have typed that exact sentence, I could probably retire right now. Open and honest communication is essential for addressing complicated emotions in the workplace.
- Express your feelings assertively and constructively, using "I" statements to take ownership of your emotions without blaming others.
- Seek clarification or feedback when necessary, and actively listen to understand colleagues' perspectives.
- Employ mutual respect by listening to others and ensuring that they can hear you when it's your turn to speak.
Ask questions, seek clarification, and listen. Especially in moments of heightened emotion, we may hear a sentence but translate it completely differently than it was intended. In written communication, it can get even hairier! Suddenly, we might be deconstructing a four-word sentence on Slack. Was that use of a period passive-aggressive or simply good grammar?
Seek clarification and try always to limit assumptions when collaborating at work.
5. Set Boundaries
I love the idea of boundaries, even though I am absolutely awful and setting or keeping them in place!
However, real boundaries are essential in the workplace, especially in work environments with boundary-free reputations. Set boundaries early and be steadfast in protecting them.
Identify your limits in terms of workload, availability, and personal space, and communicate them clearly to colleagues and supervisors. Learn to say no when necessary and prioritize self-care activities that replenish your energy and resilience outside of work.
Set Boundaries Now: 8 Professional Boundaries to Set Right Now
6. Seek Support
Don't hesitate to seek support from trusted colleagues, mentors, friends, or professional resources when dealing with work-related emotions. A support network can provide perspective, validation, and guidance during challenging times.
If complicated emotions at work significantly impact your mental health, productivity, or overall well-being, don't hesitate to seek professional help from a mental health professional. Therapy or counseling can provide valuable support, tools, and strategies for managing emotions effectively and building resilience against workplace challenges.
7. Practice Stress Management
Stress is a known assassin in the workplace.
Managing stress is essential for preventing emotions from spiraling out of control. Incorporate stress management techniques such as regular exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, and relaxation practices into your daily routine. Prioritize activities that bring you joy and fulfillment outside of work to counterbalance the job's demands.
8. Foster a Positive Work Environment
Promote a positive work culture where emotions are acknowledged, respected, and managed constructively.
Encourage open communication, empathy, and support among colleagues. Celebrate successes, recognize achievements, and provide professional development and growth opportunities. A supportive work environment can mitigate the impact of complicated emotions and foster resilience among employees.
9. Learn from Every Experience
View each emotional challenge as an opportunity for growth and learning. In this way, there's no such thing as mistakes—only tough learning experiences.
Reflect on past experiences to identify what triggered certain emotions and how you responded to them. Use this self-awareness to develop coping strategies and resilience for future situations. Embrace setbacks as learning opportunities and approach them with a growth mindset.
10. Finally, Embrace Your Emotions
There's nothing wrong with having emotions. Aside from whatever AI chatbot is taking jobs, we are all human here. Since I know we have a largely female audience, let's address the elephant in the room quickly before wrapping this up.
Men have loved to call women "too emotional" as a jab or a defense mechanism. As an insult, calling women emotional is as uncreative as it is undermining, especially for anyone who has read more than a paragraph of literally any history book!
We can all be emotional and still be rational. Don't let fear of a lazy insult or a damaging accusation keep you from acknowledging, exploring, and working through your emotions.
You can navigate emotional challenges with resilience and grace by acknowledging and validating your emotions, practicing self-regulation, setting boundaries, seeking support, and fostering a positive work environment. Remember that managing emotions is an ongoing process, and each experience offers growth and learning opportunities.
