There's nothing like a little passive-aggressive behavior to put a damper on your morning and—if it's coming from your coworker—on your workplace.
Regardless of what position you hold at your job, you’ll likely run into a coworker who tends to behave passive-aggressively. This kind of attitude can be poisonous at an individual level, but it can also really damage your company culture and the quality of life for everyone involved.
If you’re dealing with a passive-aggressive coworker, there are many actions you can take to help get you past the moment and position you to be able to diffuse future instances as well.
First, let’s talk for a minute about the symptoms of passive-aggression.
Step 1: Watch Out For These Common Examples of Workplace Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Procrastination
Not getting around to tasks promised to coworkers might be a sign of passive-aggression, but it could also be rooted in your coworker's personal paralysis. If you can determine that procrastination is “just part of their working style,” you may not be dealing with someone who is actually behaving passive-aggressively.
Sarcasm/Snark/Snide Remarks
Again, these may also be rooted in personality and not intended as you'd expect. Passive-aggression is characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and avoidance of direct confrontation. It isn’t necessarily rooted in sarcasm. However, if you’re getting a bratty attitude from the same person frequently (or all the time), you might be in the presence of passive-aggressive behavior.
Making Excuses
This is a behavior that’s either rooted in passive-aggression or an overall unwillingness to take ownership and face the consequences. If it’s consistent behavior, you’re likely to be dealing with passive-aggressive behavior.
Step 2: Stop The Behavior With These Moves
No matter the cause of the passive-aggression, there are some things you can do to keep the behavior from causing big stress and poisoning your workplace.
Let's Say You Got a Passive-Aggressive Email
First, take several deep breaths. Either mark the message as unread or flag it the way you prefer. If the message has made you angry, really take your time responding. Once you're ready, make sure your response is rooted in fact, especially if you're going to disagree with their message. Even after you draft a response, though, don’t send it right away. Think about something else for a while, then go back and reread.
How to Respond (Diplomatically) to a Passive-Aggressive Email
When you're ready to respond with a clear head, we created a template to respond to a passive-aggressive email.
Hello [NAME],
I received your email [DATE and TIME] and I hear your concerns, but I wanted to take this opportunity to make sure we can move forward on the right foot.
While I take responsibility for any miscommunication that may have happened on my part, I want to make sure that we are both on the same page going forward.
In your email, you [REITERATE CONCERNS LAID OUT IN EMAIL] and I understand your frustrations.
Going forward, I think it’d be best if we [OFFER SOLUTION (ie. a video meeting, a quick phone call, or calendar invites)] so that we don’t have this trouble again.
If you’d like to discuss this matter more, I am happy to chat whenever it’s convenient for you.
Thank you,
Best,
[NAME]
I received your email [DATE and TIME] and I hear your concerns, but I wanted to take this opportunity to make sure we can move forward on the right foot.
While I take responsibility for any miscommunication that may have happened on my part, I want to make sure that we are both on the same page going forward.
In your email, you [REITERATE CONCERNS LAID OUT IN EMAIL] and I understand your frustrations.
Going forward, I think it’d be best if we [OFFER SOLUTION (ie. a video meeting, a quick phone call, or calendar invites)] so that we don’t have this trouble again.
If you’d like to discuss this matter more, I am happy to chat whenever it’s convenient for you.
Thank you,
Best,
[NAME]
If Your Coworker's Just So Negative
Stay positive and focus on positive results. When you're forced to engage, redirect, then brush it off. This person’s behavior doesn’t have to impact yours.
If Your Coworker Keeps Complaining About Your Work or the Company
Hear them out. Sometimes passive-aggression is the direct result of not feeling heard, especially in the workplace. If you suspect the person feels unheard, be the ear that they need, and take their input seriously.
If You're Facing Repeat Passive-Aggressive Behavior (And You Just Can't Take It Anymore)
Don’t stoop to making accusations. If you must talk about corrective action of any kind, make the conversation results-focused, not blame-focused. Yelling at or publicly calling out a person behaving passive-aggressively won't make the situation better. Instead, begin taking notes about how the tension is actually affecting the quality of your coworker's work.
Step 3: Remember That It's Actually Not Personal
Remember, passive-aggressive behavior often stems from a person feeling their needs aren’t being met. Unless you are intentionally and personally depriving the person of something they feel they need or are entitled to, it’s not personal, and you should behave accordingly.
Passive-aggressive behavior is a symptom of underlying issues, so by being a listener, focusing on the positive, and not stooping to blame, you can often disarm it.
Step 4: If All Else Fails, Take It To HR
But if you’re dealing with a serious situation, don’t be afraid to take the conversation to a public place, ask for help from someone above you, or talk to HR. You don’t deserve to be punished, no matter what your coworker is going through. It can be very stressful to be on the receiving end of passive-aggression. You don’t have to carry it alone.
