She's too [insert "dirty word" here].
Women of color are relishing in the symbolism of Vice President Kamala Harris.
Her nomination alone was historic for many reasons—she is a biracial woman and the daughter of Indian and Jamaican immigrants and was the first woman of color on a majority party ticket. For many women of color, the announcement of Kamala as Joe Biden’s Vice President made us feel both a sense of rejuvenation and intense worry.
We felt invigorated by seeing an accomplished woman of color command a political stage.
She was not only someone who looked like us—but she was someone who understood the experience of being a woman of color, navigating both predominately white and male spaces. The intense worry that many women of color felt at the time of her nomination was a feeling that many of us experience in our professional careers. It's the unsettling reality that our presence will always be contested and we will never be able to exist comfortably and authentically in professional spaces.
Vice President Kamala Harris was someone who ascended into professional success in the face of microaggressions laced in racism, sexism, and xenophobia. Her debate with former Vice President Mike Pence provided an illustration of how women of color work tirelessly to assert their opinions in the presence of mansplaining and whitesplaining.
When Kamala uttered the words “I’m speaking,” we understood both the bravery and burden that she had to endure. Like many women of color, we have to walk a fine line between appearing qualified and knowledgeable but not too assertive to avoid being called “angry” or unmanageable.
1. Ambitious
Kamala Harris as a possible Vice President contender came with much contention and opposition. Many of Joe Biden’s largest financial supporters were cautious of Kamala Harris being selected because they felt she was “too ambitious.”
They feared that she simply wouldn’t stay in her place as the second in the chain of command. Instead, his supporters felt as if she would be too consumed by trying to secure the Presidential role. Even despite the advancements that women have made on the political stage and in their professional careers, “ambition” is still a dirty word for women.
Ambition has always been viewed as a positive trait for men in leadership roles, but ambitious women have always been frowned upon. It’s okay for a woman to attribute her success to others, “luck” or being in the right place at the right time—but the moment women begin to desire more than their current position, they are ostracized and ridiculed for doing so.
We expect women, especially women of color, to be grateful and demure about their successes and accomplishments—or in Kamala’s case, people expect her to be satisfied with merely being selected as a Vice President. She should not desire more than the expectations projected onto her as a woman of color. The idea that she could and should desire more threatens the mere existence and sustenance of our racist and patriarchal society. But ambition isn’t the only trait that favors men over women. Women also face a penalty if they are too outspoken, controversial, and direct.
So, this leads us to the question—what other “dirty” words are attributed specifically to women of color?
2. Opinionated
It’s not uncommon for many women of color to feel as if they have to dim their light in order to make others feel comfortable, especially if they find themselves in racially homogenous spaces. Many women may opt to dampen or hide aspects of their personality or not share their opinions out of fear of confirming the “angry Black woman stereotype” or being seen as a complainer or someone who isn’t a team player.
Black women, in particular, are often viewed as “bossy”, “aggressive,” or “unlikeable” when they speak their mind in the workplace, and many women fear retaliation or fear that their opinions may prohibit their professional advancement.
Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has seen her fair share of backlash from predominately male Republicans who are bothered by her outspoken nature and her uncanny ability to challenge the thinking and antiquated practices of the Republican establishment. Most recently, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez was called a “bitch” by Republican Ted Yoho for being too vocal. This incident illustrated how women of color who express opinions or ideas in opposition to the majority face harassment for doing so.
Society has often viewed women of color as not possessing the requisite qualifications or intellect to exist in predominately white and male spaces, which is why many of their opinions are often ignored or challenged.
3. Direct
You’ve heard the saying—"it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” For many of women of color, we typically have to restrain or manage our emotions. During the 2018 U.S. Open, we watched as tennis star Serena Williams was reprimanded for arguing with umpire Carlos Ramos during her women’s singles finals match.
This provided another confirmation for Black women that we are often penalized for expressing anger and defending ourselves. A study published in 2015 in the Journal Law and Human Behavior suggested in group decisions, particularly jury deliberations, expressing anger might lead men to gain influence, but cause women to lose influence.
"In the workplace, white men and white women are more likely to feel less restrained in expressing emotions directly—while women of color often have to engage in restraint practices to manage their anger in order to not appear threatening."
Women of color can never be as direct in communications as their white counterparts, and they often report not speaking up or retyping emails to appear more “friendly” and “likeable.”
4. Controversial
It should come as no surprise that discussions on race and discrimination are still considered controversial and taboo topics in the workplace. For many women of color, sharing their experiences as both a woman and a person of color can be a frightening experience, and many women of color are met with resistance when they do so, or their stories and experiences are overlooked and ignored. When women of color bring up topics like race, gender discrimination, or pay inequity in the workplace, they are often labeled the “problem employee” or someone who is causing a stir or dissension.
Men often have the freedom and liberty to openly discuss many socially taboo topics without fear of social exclusion. Men engage in “water cooler talk” where they can discuss and build affinity with their male peers over topics such as sex, while women are viewed as distasteful for doing so.
An example of this is the social backlash that rappers Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B faced when they released the song WAP. Many people criticized and ridiculed them for openly talking about sexual pleasure for women. They were viewed as tasteless, unsavory, and objectifying, instead of women owning and being proud of their bodies and showcasing the importance of sexual health and pleasure.
5. Pushy
Women are expected to be soft, forgiving, and docile—they shouldn’t aggravate, incite, or be unyielding. The biases that exist in leadership create a double standard—we want women to lead, but they shouldn’t lead too aggressively. There is no better example of this double standard than the 2016 election between Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton.
There was no debate that Hilary Clinton was qualified and accomplished—her experience is both rigorous and impressive, possessing knowledge in both domestic and international politics. She was an active First Lady of both Arkansas and the United States, and she was unlike many previous first ladies, as she took a leading role in family and educational policy and then took center stage as Barack Obama’s Secretary of State.
Hilary Clinton was liked and seen favorably when she confirmed traditional feminine roles (working on women’s and family issues as a First Lady and playing a secondary role to her husband), but she became least popular in the public eye when she began to desire a higher stature (serving in the Senate and running for President).
America is comfortable with women leading—as long as they don’t desire too much or attempt to take the spotlight away from men. When male political leaders like Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders shout, they are viewed as dynamic or they're simply left unchallenged, but when Hilary Clinton shouts, she is viewed as overly emotional and out of control.
Leadership calls for one to be assertive and to forcefully state their point, but we tend to not grant this same freedom to women, especially women of color. Many women of color often have to walk a tight rope to avoid being labeled “too pushy”—they must be firm, decisive, but never too aggressive.
6. Sassy
You’re smart, witty, and confident. If you have often made a point to prove your male counterparts wrong, you may also have been called “sassy” in response to your perceived overconfidence.
"The word sassy is not a compliment; it is, in fact, a sexist word that is only used to describe situations where men feel uncomfortable when women assert themselves. When men assert themselves or disprove a point, we call that intelligence, wit or charm."
The “sassy Black woman” trope is heavily used in popular culture—and this trope is rooted in the stereotype of the Black woman matriarch who is perceived as angry, aggressive, and who emasculates the men in her life. We need new ways to describe “sassy” women, such as funny, smart, or clever.
We also need to empower women to own their voices and encourage them to speak up and speak out. Being smart, witty and confident isn’t sassy, it’s a critical strategy in building influence as a leader.
Women leaders face what we call a double-blind bias, or a mismatch between what is expected of a leader and what is expected of a woman.
We can easily identify qualities that are attributable to male leaders—convincing, opinionated, forceful, and assertive. Women are traditionally expected to be caring, warm, emotional, and deferential. When women attempt to challenge these traditional roles and attributes that society has ascribed to them, they face backlash and are often cast in a negative light.
This has even more disastrous impacts for women of color, as they must navigate both racist and sexist assumptions about identity and leadership style. We have a long way to go before we can rid ourselves of these dirty words for women—but what makes me excited is seeing women who are owning their power, vigorously challenging racist and sexist assumptions about their identity, and unapologetically redefining women leadership.
