THIS IS HOW YOU WALK THE FINE LINE BETWEEN COWORKER AND FRIEND.
For many seasons, on the hit ABC drama Grey’s Anatomy, Drs. Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang referred to each other as their “person.” Meaning that each one could go to the other, about anything, and have a completely understanding ear.
Maybe you can relate. Does your significant other refer to one of your coworkers as your “work husband” or “work wife?” Do you have that one person at work that you can talk to about anything and everything?
So, how did Meredith and Cristina become each other’s go-to-gal? After all, their relationship didn’t start out that way. They started out as interns, rookie colleagues, in an extremely competitive teaching program at, the fictional, Seattle Grace Hospital. And, how do you find a work friend of your own?
If you are new to a position or company, or working with a new group of people, you may want to keep your relationships with colleagues on a superficial level for a bit. Not because you are trying to avoid making friends at work, but more because you are treading lightly to separate those that just want to obtain information from you, from the people that would actually like to connect with you on a friendly level.
Before you get too friendly, consider our tips below on navigating the initial evolution of a relationship from “colleague” to “friend.”
Proceed with Caution
Unfortunately, not everyone wants to be friends with their co-workers, especially in super-competitive work environments. There are people who will use even the slightest tidbit of information to get ahead, so before you begin to share important or personal details with someone, make sure you trust them implicitly.
Avoid Social Media Relationships
Similarly, social media is not an aspect of your life that you should share with everyone. While in the beginning stages of any work relationship or collaboration, you may not want to give a persona access to your Facebook or Twitter pages. You should definitely connect with colleagues on LinkedIn, however. The site was built for professional affiliations, so it would be more than wise to add a colleague, but I would hold off on giving colleagues access to any site that may house personal or social information.
Keep Happy Hour Happy
After-work socializing builds relationships, especially if you are a member of a team or group that spends an enormous amount of company time together. Yes, you should socialize. Yes, it is okay to have a couple of drinks and relax. But, you should definitely know your limit. You want your department or team to talk about how much you are killing it at work, not about how drunk you were at the bar the night before.
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But once you’ve become comfortable at the office and you’re looking to forge relationships that go deeper than status meetings and CCed emails, we can help.
Once you’ve established a friendly relationship with a co-worker, and have decided they are someone that you would like to welcome fully into your life, go for it. Friend them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, and have conversations about your lives!
Some of my closest friends invite their close work friends to their parties and events, and a few have even been in their weddings. The trick? Making sure that you are both on the same page, have the same expectations, and are not being used to gain the upper hand or any kind of advantage.
Now, that being said, there is also a flip side: what happens if a close friendship with a colleague disintegrates, and you still have to face them at work everyday?
Try to be the bigger person, and take the high road. The falling out of a friendship – especially one in a work environment – can be incredibly painful and awkward. There is no easy way to navigate it. But, there is one thing you should always remember…
DO YOUR JOB.
The falling out of a friendship – especially one in a work environment – can be incredibly painful and awkward. There is no easy way to navigate it. But, there is one thing you should always remember: DO YOUR JOB.
If you’re anything like me, you need to work. Not only to pay your bills and fund your lifestyle, but also for your own piece of mind. So, if the choice comes down to an awkward daily conversation with a former friend vs. losing my job? I’m choosing the awkward conversation, every time. The most important factor is your ability to do your job.
If, after the souring of a personal, friendly relationship, you are able to complete your tasks, fulfill your duties, and continuously interact with a colleague that you no longer consider a friend, the fortitude of your character will shine.
It took Meredith and Cristina five seasons to become comfortable enough to call each other their “person.” It’s not going to happen over night. You’ll need to work for it, and on it, throughout the relationship, as you would with any other friend.
So, my advice to is to be cautious and selective about those you choose to become friends with at work, but at the same time, try not to cut yourself off from the valuable relationships you might form with your co-workers.
You’ll be glad you did.
Have experience with moving “colleagues” to the friend zone? Or, maybe, out of it? Any tips that you would like to share? I’d love to hear from you!